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Engaged Couples: Talk About KIDS Before Getting Married

Parenting will most certainly change your marriage, for better or for worse.

Listen up, we are the first to admit that we went into marriage thinking that having lots of babies would help our marriage! And 10 years later we can tell you that as much as we love our kids, parenting is tough. It’s brought out the worst in us and has revealed how selfish we both are. Many days we lay our heads down thinking we could’ve done better.

Now that’s us…some couples will share with you that having children has been the most rewarding experience of their lives. Good for them. Please don’t think we hate our kids because we love them to death but we are extremely honest and want to be upfront when it comes to parenting and marriage.

The most important thing to keep in mind while parenting is this: the best gift you can give your kids is to have a healthy marriage.

We promise you that your kids won’t care what kind of car you drive, how big your house is, how many family vacations you take and what kinds of clothes they wear. They want a safe and loving environment. They want quality time with their mom and dad who love each other. They need to be shown how to manage conflict, pay bills, apologize, forgive and help others in need. Living out love through your marriage will impact your children, grandchildren and future generations to come. So no matter what happens, never stop showing your kids what a healthy and thriving marriage looks like.

And remember…you only have your kids for 18 years (if you’re lucky) but you have your marriage for the rest of your life.

Connecting Questions:

  • Do you want children? If so, how many?

  • If we are unable to get pregnant naturally, would you be open to fertility treatments such as IVF and surrogacy?

  • If we are unable to have children, would you want to adopt?

  • How long would you like to wait before having children?

  • Who will be the primary caregiver of our children?

  • Do you anticipate raising our children (1) the same way you were raised (2) completely differently from the way you were raised (3) a mixture of both?

  • When we have children, who will change the diapers, heat the bottles, prepare the meals, do the housework, bathe the child, get up in the middle of the night when a child is crying, take the child to the doctor, buy clothing, and dress the child?

  • Who comes first, your spouse or your children?

  • How will you handle the children when they want to come into our bedroom during the night? Will they sleep with us and if so for how long?

  • Other than formal schooling, what types of education will our children get and how will they receive them?

  • Who will be the primary disciplinarian?

  • Will our children be required to do chores?

  • Will they receive an allowance and how much?

  • How will you deal with issues at their school?

  • What types of discipline would you implement to correct a child’s or a teenager’s behavior?

  • Were these practices you experiences or are they new ones you have developed on your own?


Check out our new book 365 Connecting Questions for Engaged Couples!


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